


of life and death

by HedaCarmilla



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, I Don't Even Know, Sad Ending, angst and fluff i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-28 06:32:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11412234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HedaCarmilla/pseuds/HedaCarmilla
Summary: Kara remembers how her and Lena got together during Lena's funeral





	of life and death

National city was mourning along with its guardian. Kara looked at the coffin, trying to push back her tears. Losing Alex was something she had prepared herself for since she started working for the DEO. It still hurt seeing her sister taking her last breath in combat to protect her wife, but she had accepted the inevitability of Alex’s death long before that. The next to die were James and Winn, when a deranged criminal looking for revenge blew up their car. Her mother disappeared one day and, despite j’onn saying he didn’t know what happened she knew she was dead. Their deaths hurt, yes, but at least she was expecting them. Fighting crime was a dangerous job, and people aged. But Lena? Lena was supposed to be safe and live until her hair was white as snow and laugh at Kara’s still youthful appearance! She wasn’t supposed to die in a work related accident.

Kara tried to hide a sob by burring her face in Clark’s shoulder as she thought of the day she asked Lena out.

Lena didn’t get drunk often, but when she did she let her emotions get the best of her, so she was glad it was Kara who found her. For more than one reason. For Lena it was a blur. She saw the blonde come into her office, worry clear on her face. She must have forgotten to put her phone back together after she smashed it in a wall. Damn Lillian and Cadmus and the whole Luthor reputation her mother expected her to uphold. She felt anger starting to burn in her chest again so she focused on Kara. Kara who was almost always there for her, without expecting something in return. Kara who saw how broken she could be and didn’t leave or try to force her shattered pieces back together. Kara who she had undeniably fallen for and, if body language was any indication, loved her back.

Kara helped Lena to the couch and tried talking to her, but all the brunette could focus on were her lips. She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol’s fault or if her lips have always looked so kissable and distracting. With whiskey and wine clouding her judgment, she kissed Kara. She had been waiting for this moment for a long time, they both had, but it was short lived. The blonde, who felt every moment of the kiss like time had slowed down, pulled away and apologized.

“ I-I… I am sorry, Lena... I have to go.” The hero said before running away.

When Lena woke up the next day and sobered up, she thought about giving Kara space, or act like nothing happened. But it did, and she remembered it all too well, the way her lips felt against her own, how soft it was, how her hand tangled in Kara’s hair in the short time they kissed. She couldn’t just pretend it was nothing, it wouldn’t be fair for neither of them. So she went to Kara’s apartment.

She knocked and waited, but there was no movement on the other side. Maybe Kara wasn’t home, or she just didn’t want to be bothered. She felt less and less confident with each passing second until she heard a faint ‘ Come in, it’s open.’.

Lena gently opened the door and peaked inside. The blonde didn’t even bother to act surprised, as if she knew it was Lena. 

Kara didn’t look like her usual self. Instead of pot stickers, she had ice cream – the sad food. A quick glance at the muted TV and she saw she was watching Game of thrones – comfort show. She fucked up and she knew that. But how could she make it right?

“ Are you just going to stare? At least come here.” Kara said and sat up to make room for Lena on the couch.

Lena put her bag down , unsure if she should take up the offer. She decided to sit next to Kara, but keep a respectable distance. She took a deep breath before she began.

“ I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable yesterday.” 

She had a whole speech thought out, but seeing Kara made her forget it. At least she got the main part out.

The blonde finally cracked a smile.

“ Is this your complete apology? It sounds kind of short for a Luthor.” 

Lena’s nervous expression turned into a soft smile.

“ Well, it is because I am a Luthor. We give speeches, not apologies. Most people still fear my last name and wouldn’t dare to ask for one.”

“ And…” Kara played with the rim of her glasses for a moment before continuing. “ You don’t need to apologize. I… I actually wanted it to happen.”

Lena’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Then why did you leave? “

Kara seemed to find the shirt lying on the arm of the couch much more interesting than the conversation after Lena asked her that. Lena knew Kara well enough to tell she was nervous about something so she put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Kara smiled at the gesture but pushed the hand away, took her glasses off and got up. She looked around one more time, as if to gather the courage, and started lifting her sweater when Lena stopped her.

“ Hey, I know you said you wanted to kiss me, I am assuming that’s what ‘it’ was, but isn’t it a little bit too early for that?”

Kara was confused for a moment before blushing scarlet. “ No no no that’s not what- umm, you know what just let me finish.” She said and completely took of her sweater to reveal the Supergirl costume.

Lena’s face was cold, unreadable, and Kara feared she screwed up. But she knew this had to happen sooner or later, and preferred it to happen by choice. She waited, trying to understand what was happening in the brunette’s head. Lena broke the silence a minute later.

“ So what you are trying to tell me is that you ran away because you are Supergirl? I don’t get it. I know our families aren’t best of friends, but I hoped you trusted me more than that. Or is it because of our anti-alien policy? “

“ No, Lena, it’s none of that! Other than my sister, you are the person I trust most! I just… I didn’t know how to tell you. When we first saw each other alone you literally tried to test me for being an alien! The device worked, by the way, I burnt it to hide my identity. When I saw who you really are, I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I was too deep in the double identity mess to have a clean way out…” Kara sighed and sat next to Lena. She tentatively touched her hands, and when she didn’t flinch she put them in her lap. “ I think what I’m trying to say is that I was trying to hurt you as little as possible…”

Lena looked at their hands and ran her thumb across Kara’s. “ Your plan didn’t really work out. I’m not exactly comprehending all of it, but it actually makes sense. Still, I wish you had told me sooner…”

Kara suddenly got an idea. It was a bit of a stretch but worth a try. “Then let me make it up to you by buying you dinner? And I will tell you everything else that you want to or should know.”

“ You are lucky I have a soft spot for you.”

“ So is that an yes?”

“ Yes.”

Kara still remembered the joy that filled her on that day. Never before had she questioned if loving Lena was the right choice, it always felt like it was, on good and bad days alike. But now? Nothing hurt like that since she arrived on earth. Maybe it was because she always had her family and friends before, and now most of them were dead. Sure, she still had Clark and J’onn, but it wasn’t the same.

No. She couldn’t let herself regret loving Lena. More like she couldn’t regret it. It hurt losing her after an incomplete life together, but it would have been worse to lose her before getting to love her freely. So while the priest said the Earth’s prayers for the humans present, Kara recited the Kryptonian ones.

“You have been the sun of our lives. Our prayers will be the sun that lights your way on the journey home. We will remember you in every dawn. And await the night we join you in the sky. Rao's will be done. “

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you'll enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it, and if you don't then let me know why so i can improve. Also i'd like to thank sten06, who gave me advice and motivation to actually write something


End file.
